How to Include Your Family and Friends in Your Elopement

You’ve taken into account alllll the factors (time, money, stress, family dynamics, etc.) and decided elopement is the right thing for you and your partner. And while you are confident in that decision, you know you still want to include a few carefully selected people in your elopement day. Not sure what that can look like? Take it from an actual elopement photographer, here are a few brilliant ways to include friends and family in your elopement.

Benefits of a Small Guest List

Before we jump right into some creative ways to include family in your elopement day, let’s talk about the perks of a small guest list.

A small guest list means you and your partner are unencumbered by the physical limitations of others. Hear me out. If you and your partner want to say your vows in the middle of a valley at sunrise, it’s not likely your 80 year old grandmother is going to be physically able to participate in that (although, maybe she will be able to and more power to her and you!). And don’t even get me started on the family members who will definitely complain about a 3 am wake up call! When you have a small guest list, you can have the type of adventure that works for you and your partner without having to worry about the limitations of your guests.

Another perk of a small guest list is not having to worry about all of the logistics that go into wrangling 100+ people on YOUR wedding day. Don’t get me wrong, I loved every minute of my wedding day with my big family and friend group. But that was because I had an amazing wedding planner who took the reins and let my mom and mother in law do the stressing over the missing knives and mismatched cloth napkins for the reception. Not to mention my bridal party who helped in ways I won’t air publicly. I was so fortunate that those women took on that stress and were willing to support my vision for the day. I know not everyone is that lucky and would have to take that burden onto themselves. So when you and your partner elope, you can really just be present and focus on getting yourselves where you need to be on your own timeline.

Finally, it’s so hard to say personalized vows in front of a big group. Often, bigger weddings mean perfect strangers and your closest friends/family. There are things you want to say in your vows to your partner, but maybe not in front of their aunt. I know you want your family included in your elopement, but they probably don’t need to know alllll the juicy details you want to say during your vows.

Creative Ways to Involve Loved Ones

So how do you include your important people in your elopement day without physically having them there? It’s definitely a personal decision, but it can be done! You just have to be willing to ask yourself how you want people to show up for you on your day.

I love a good love letter and I think starting your day with reading letters from your loved ones can really set the tone for your elopement day. You can ask the people you most wish were with you on your big day to write a letter of encouragement or well wishes. You can ask them to share their favorite memories of you as a couple or individuals and then read those letters together over a good cup of coffee on your elopement day. It’s a good time to read those messages, have a good cry (if you’re the type) before you put on your makeup and really set your intentions for the day.

Another fun way to incorporate your loved ones is to ask them to record short videos of themselves giving a best man/Maid of Honor/Parent of the bride or groom speech and watch those videos after you’ve said “I do”. I love this idea as your photographer because it’s a great way for you to enjoy heartfelt and funny messages from the people you love most and I can capture your reaction to those videos. Those photos can be shared with your loved ones after your elopement day so they can see how their messages impacted you.

You can also plan to have a set time in your day to FaceTime or call a select few people after you say, “I do”. You can recap how beautiful the location was, show off new rings, and spend a few minutes connecting with people you love the most. The one thing you want to keep in mind if you choose this option is the time zone difference and cell phone service. There are many locations that have limited service in Hawaii, especially the beautiful, adventurous locations. If this is an option you’re thinking about be sure to talk to your elopement photographer as they should know what the cell phone service is like in the area you plan to elope and they can help you find the right time in your day to plan these calls.

Planning a Celebration Back Home

Maybe you’re not telling your friends and family you’re eloping on your trip to Hawaii or maybe you really don’t want to read letters or watch videos from your family on your elopement day. That’s fine, too! You can include your loved ones in a celebration back home after your elopement. This is also a great way to allow family/friends who wanted to help with planning your wedding/reception into the process. Let them plan a small barbecue for you and your new spouse!

This is a great opportunity to share your elopement day photos/videos. They can be playing on a TV or a projector during the celebration or you can make a key moment during your celebration sharing a few of your favorite photos and telling your loved ones about the moments the photos are capturing.

Pro tip: If you want to share photos or your video from your elopement at this celebration, be sure you and your elopement photographer/videographer are really clear on the timeline for delivering your photos and video so you can plan accordingly. It’s not uncommon for elopement photos/videos to be delivered 12+ weeks after your ceremony, so be sure you know what the timeline is.

Is It Right for You?

Ultimately, you and your partner have to decide what the best course of action is for including loved ones in your elopement day. Whether you do invite a few people to join you, you don’t tell anyone you’re eloping until the deed is done and you get home, or anything in between, the most important thing is that it’s what feels good and right for you and your partner. Be sure you have conversations around this topic when planning your elopement so you are both crystal clear on what feels right, what compromises need to be made (if any), and how you can both feel like you’re getting to include the people you want to include on the most important day of your life.

If you’re thinking about eloping and want to learn more about doing that in Hawaii, check out some of my other blog posts here: